PRE SEASON TRAINING

Training was very intense for the first several minutes and then it calmed down a bit once the hospital staff (who make up half the team) managed to get the paddles to work (with the help of a nearby car battery) on ALBA's chest cavity. After that, no problemo, ALBA was up an running an staying in position no matter what. Cappie said "Run Uncle Alba" and ALBA told the Cappie "No!!!, I can't because I have to stay here an guard my zone". No one got even close to running through ALBA's zone, 12 inches by 12 inches may not mean a lot.......... but in a battle...it can be the deciding factor. Buddy (the goalie), was having a beer and a ciggie (I think it was a ciggie) while mayhem was going on just a few yards away.
CAPPIE "I was a bit pissed off at not having CAPPIE on my shirt…………..no point in playing really. I am also really upset at not having scored a goal and not getting the chance to lift up my shirt (which doesn't say "Cappie" on it) and run to the nearest bar an tell then I actually scored a goal get them to buy me a frickin drink fur fuxache."
Buddy "Can we move the goalposts in a bit closer?"
Lissie "Ah fuckin love it"….ah fuckin love this shyte…..when are we getting the fuckin shirts then?"
Chris "Buddy looks pretty good there, nice butt man"
Phil "Hang on Chris…I saw him first"
Yvonne "Did you (cough cough) see that??That f**king b**tch hit the ball right at me for no f**cking reason, she's mine…she is so f**ing toast that she won't know what f**cking hit her YA F***CKING BITCH"..she doesn't know I'm German..hehehehe..she's f***ckin ended her career right here."
Buddy "YO!!! Cappie!…can we move these in a bit?"
Lissie "I'm on your team Evelyn!………didnie mean it. Are yie ok? It's jist a wee brooze.
Yvonne "You can go a f*ck yourself b*tch……you're mine……"
Chris "Hey Buddy, are we going for a beer after this or what?"
CAPPIE " HELLO? HELLO? We're playing here! practice practice……………no beers until I saw so.
ALBA Yie said "so"
Team "YEEHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA I'm off………see yie in the garry

GAME 1 SUMMARY

Footiemad 1-0 Opposition.

Scorer - Scott
Dives - Ricardo (twice)
Injuries - Yvonne (limping on both legs) and Lissie (bruise which mysteriously moves from one leg to the other)
MOTM - Buddy

Lissie "Where's the shirts then Cappie?? I'm no playing weyoot the shirts"
Jana "Never mind the shirts…where's Uncle ALBA?"
Ricardo "He can't make eet signoritas, soooo, he told me to come so I come. I come all the time by the way nice ladies in case you eese interested. My name eese Ri-car-do and I am not only a stud as you can see but a magnifico soccer player of the first order."
Buddy "Hi Rickie, I'm Buddy"
Ricardo Ola Buddy, you have nice butt like mine no? And you call me Ricardo or I beat you up hokay"


NEXT WEEK - will Buddy, Chris an Phil become "boyfriends"…will the shirts arrive?..stay tuned


GAME 2 SUMMARY

Footiemad 7 - 4 Opposition

Scorers - Scott(2), Ricardo, Jana, Phil, Buddy, Brian.
Dives - Ricardo
Injuries - Ricardo (groin strain), Yvonne and Lissie still limping.
MOTM - Jana (first ever goal!)

Jana "I scored…and I don't mean it the way you think I mean it….I got a goal. YEEEHAAAAAAAAAAA!"
Ricardo "Jana...you score you suppose lift your top no? I score all time, on an off the fields. I also get goal during game. No one hug or kiss me which is what I used to. Now I upset. I speet on ziss team if I no hug"
Phil "I'll hug you next time Ricardo"
Chris "Me too man"
Ricardo "Touch me you die………..I talk with the ladies no?" Kayla, Colleen, why you no rub my groin when I injure eh? Ees nice to help out no?
Colleen "Nice try amigo…………..maybe rub some of that stuff you put in your hair over it…that should help"
Kayla "Sorry, I thought you were faking it Ricardo."
Lissie "I fake it too sometimes but don't tell Tom."

…later back at The Garry

Jana "Hi Uncle ALBA…guess what?........... I scored I scored"
ALBA "That's fantastic Jana, what's his name?"
Jana "No….. I scored a GOAL we won 7-4"
ALBA "Who else got the goals?"
Jana "Ha! like we care who else scored…as if….this is about ME ME ME, I'm the Cappie. I'm the striker."
Phil "I got one."
Jana "No one cares ya loser. I got the goal that counted an that's all there is to it"
Brian " I got one, Ricardo got one, think Scott got a couple and…………."
Jana "Shuttit….it's not that important…I GOT ONE…that's the main thing. I almost had another. The key is that I got a goal"
Ricardo " Because my groin ees no kissed better straight way, I now have to meece Tango class Friday night time. I Tango like a…errm…like a… how you say…like a duck no?
Jana "Fowl…….hahahahahahahhaha Gettit Rickie Fowl...foul?"
Ricardo "My name eese Ricardo an eef you no call me Ricardo, then Ricardo no play"

NEXT WEEK - will Ricardo quit, will ALBA show up, will it be 3 - 0 for Footiemad FC??

GAME 3 SUMMARY



Game 3....yet another resounding victory for the FOOTIEMAD FC.........also saw the introduction of the new team jerseys.
FOOTIEMAD FC hired some muscular male models for the spectacular unveiling ceremonies.








In this photo, the muscular handsome male model stands like a matador ready to do battle. It didn't matter to him that action was going on all around...he just wanted to look fantastico
Unfortunately, said model couldn't play very well and left the battlefield with two pulled hamstrings.








Nevertheless, the team played outsdtanding and we scooshed the opposition 5-0. This is a worms eye view of some live action during the game. You can't really notice it, but those windows in the houses were jammed full of people who wanted to watch the game for free








This photo says it all. Footiemad players all over the place, totally dominating the opposition and just about to stuff yet another goal in the old onion bag. It's all too much for one of the opposition players who simply walks off the field in disgust.




GAME 4 SUMMARY






With a playoff berth already clinched, Cappie dedided that we should ease up a bit and we did....getting gubbed 9-4 or thereabouts. The devastation of getting beaten was too much for some people who constantly wiped away the tears from their faces.









Ricardo looks eagerly over towards Cappie wondering if he will get a chance to show his skills. Or maybe even get a game of footie at some point. Meanwhile, his dedicated loving wife finishes off her crossword.








Live action shot here as Phil takes on the oppositions star 9 year old.
She had just moved up to the Girl Guides from the Brownies that very week and was pumped......she is also a very very aggressive player.
Cappie looks eager to go go go... but Colleen has to hang back a bit as she cleans some doggie doo off her shoe.






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"It's a miracle" shouts Cappie as the 9 year is left in Phils wake.. Phil is set to meet the Pope next week to get fully ordained and may not make the game








A lot of the team sported nice new haircuts although it looks like Kayla might need a wee half time touch up. Notice that the team trainer is fast asleep at this point (5 mins after kick off) and we had to get some coffee to keep her awake.









It's all too much for the lady who washes the team uniforms. The dark glasses hide the tears and the bloodshot eyes.








Every single spectator was openly crying at this point and they constantly had to wipe away the tears. A dejected Ricardo, Scott and our goalie, Buddy (Stevie Wonder) can only hope that Uncle ALBA is fit for next week. The one positive from the game is that Ricardo's wife has almost finished her crossword.







Colleen takes time off during a break in the live action and pretends she's in a circus....walking on a high wire.






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"Next goal is the winner" shouted Cappie as we insisted on playing on and on...........until almost 11:30PM............ trying to snatch a late victory. But alas............





Next week. Will the shirts shrink after washing in a cheap Meeley washing machine. Will Larissa return. Will Chris, Phil and Buddy take a shower together???



Just a few more photo's of the team..the fight brewing......the stares and the insults...and the aftermath of the fight itself...all during the last game of the season.



One would notice from this photo that there's only one person who has actually played football before and who knows how to stand properly,.... folded arms etc etc...when one is having one's team photo taken. One would also notice that Ricardo and Chris are getting a bit close there an also Buddy and Corey.....an Lissie needs a pee.



Trouble starts up after the game and a few players are ready to get into it.....................





A few taunts from the opposing team and now all it takes is someone to shout "MIELE SUCKS THE BIG ONE" and the whole FFC team to run over and get stuck in.............





At least we won that one..........................................